You know what they say about those who "assume"

Japan. It’s a beautiful country with a lot of layers. Thousands of years of tradition tangled with the latest technology advancements imaginable. And both seem to be equally as important. If I had to live the rest of my life in a foreign country, Japan wouldn’t be half bad. Here are a few general thoughts and gross assumptions about Japan:

1. This is a Japanese toilet. Correction, this is a very nice, very clean Japanese toilet.

They should come with manuals. Of all the details researched for this trip, what to pack, where to go, which shoes to purchase, I never thought it would be necessary to read up on toilets of different countries. Maybe I’m naïve. I was lucky enough to find ‘western toilets’ almost everywhere we went until 6 days into the trip while visiting a Shrine in Kyoto. Do I leave my pants on? Take them off one leg? Which way do I face? I don’t think I have the parts let alone the talent to aim; my mom never threw cheerios into the porcelain thrown for me to shoot at. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. Although unsure if I executed correctly, I figured it out well enough. Ironically, at another toilet, there was a lovely image above a western toilet showing the proper execution. I could have used one of these “how-to” pictograms during my adventure…

Oh, and these 'western' toilets I mentioned are fancy, bidet filled, plus play a nice gurggling sound to help those with stage fright (see the music note on the toilets arm-rest).

Also note, no paper towels in bathrooms either. Maybe a hand drier. Maybe. Many Japanese citizens carry a little hand rag to dry their hands after each go-round. Others, drip dry.

And, my all time favorite bathroom learning, BYOTP. It took me a while to figure it out, because there was no pattern for which toilets would have TP and which ones wouldn’t. I would find a western toilet sans paper. A Japanese toilet with plenty. But never the right combination to suit my idealology of bathroom-going. Luckily, Will tucked some TP in his pack, and I kept a few squares on me at all times, just to be safe. Not so lucky, I dripped dry a few times before getting my shit together.

2. Japanese babies don’t seem to smile. When you scrunch your nose, stick out your tongue, make babbling noises, make a fool of yourself in public, there is no response from your tiny onlooker. Stone cold. Just staring. Big black eyes. And no grin. Doesn’t matter if you’re male or female. Those little babies just don’t smile. I take no offense though. It’s probably because their IQ is already significantly higher than mine and they have no time for such childish things.

3. Tulle is in. So are scrunchies. And cute little ankle socks that would pair nicely with my Mary Jane’s from 1992. But somehow, Japanese women find a chic way to pull it all together. Oh, and top it off with a woolen knit beanie, even if it’s girls night out and your donning punchy red lips. A beanie truly completes the look. I'll have a Japanese fashion post coming soon.

4. Japan is clean. Somehow, with very few trashcans on the streets, there is no litter floating around, no gum-stained sidewalks, no graffiti street art spattered over bus stops and trains. Cigarette butts must be stuffed back into the pack, because I’d never guess any Japanese men or women smoked (and from what I have seen, many do indeed smoke). Mornings are spent tidying up the sidewalk outside shops and homes. We have seen many elderly shopkeepers pulling tiny weeds with pliers, or kneeling under fences to pick up individual leaves. Potted plants lining streets are well kept and trimmed. Puppies don’t ever need to ‘go outside’ because even less sophisticated species don’t leave a mess. You can feel the pride in each city, neighborhood, and street corner shining through the impossibly perfect cleanliness.

5. How we decide where to eat you ask? Well, we look for pictures we can point to, English numbers so we know the price, and locals eating there so we know we won’t spend the afternoon in the bathroom. Then we basically just use our peripherals to make sure we’re not committing any cultural taboos while eating. Turns out noodle eating etiquette in Japan is a little different than your mother told you. 1. Slurping your noodles is suggested. Loud. The louder and slurpier, the better. No rolling your fork into a spoon or cutting your noodles business. 2. While slurping, it is appropriate to hunch over as close to your food as you can so as not to spray everybody. 3. Eat as fast as you can, as if you haven’t eaten in months. Don’t make eye contact and just house that food. 4. It would be ridiculous to assume you would make a mess, so no need for napkins.

6. Once we stopped trying to pronounce the words and just found the signs that matched the letters in the words we were looking for, the Tokyo subway system itself wasn’t that hard to figure out. Every sign has Japanese and English, and they even make announcements in English.

Locals who ride the subway in Tokyo are a lot like everyone else you’ve ever seen on any public transportation-tired; overworked, underpaid, disinterested, unengaged, and on their smartphone. I will say that their public transportation is exponentially cleaner and more punctual than anything I’ve found in New York, DC, or Chicago. Plus, you can understand/actually hear the announcements when they make them.

And, from what I can gather, it must be a great dishonor to your entire family if you miss your intended train and have to wait the 3-5 minutes for the next one; because your mild mannered-Clark Kent styled, local Tokyoite will turn into a Carl Lewis-William “The Fridge” Perry hybrid if they even think they are not going to make their train. Do not be in their way.

Oh, and adults of all ages read anime comics. All ages.

7. But first, let me take a selfie...Imagine your grandfather standing in front of the statue of liberty throwing up the peace sign and taking a selfie. Everyone in Japan, regardless of age, takes selfies. Research that I just made up shows that 99% of Japanese citizens who have ever taken a picture, or had a picture taken of them, throw up the peace sign. And 78% of the selfie taking population has a giant, telescoping, stick to take a better selfie. Even the iPhone6 front camera can’t compete with a giant stick that needs to be hauled around. Later, we debate buying one, as it’s becomes logical to us for some reason.

8. There are like 127 million people in Japan and about half of them seem to ride bikes everywhere. But no one has a bike lock. Didn’t see a single one.

9. The average age of your taxi driver seems to be a lot higher. Most of them seem to be older men. I’m talking grey hair. The city cabs are all Toyotas with the side mirrors half way up the hood towards the headlights. And they all have white lacey seat covers and many have doors that open & close automatically, like magic.

10. Water with meals is not a big thing here. A lot of tea, but not a lot of “mizu”. Not only with meals, but rarely are there drinking fountains in public stations or parks, or the usual places you may expect.

11. What’s a temple? And what’s a shrine? Turns out Shrines are for the ancient Shinto religion, which is basically praying to nature, and your ancestors, etc. And Temples are Buddhist. Large gates mark entrances to Temple areas. Think of a big archway that isn’t necessarily arched. Also, we quickly realized that much of Tokyo was destroyed in a little thing called WW2. And a lot of shrines, temples, and other popular sights were actually rebuilt replicas or complete remodels. The Japanese prefer their historical sites looking like they were just built yesterday, and they probably were.

So there you have it, our general thoughts and some gross assumptions about what we've learned from Japan. It's an incredible country. Add it to your to-do list.

From Japan, with love,

Sara + Will

#japanesetoilet #selfie #templeshrine #buddah